More than just “getting by”
I’m just back from a fantastic weekend in Japan where I taught both Fit +Flaunt Burlesque Fitness and Zumba at an international dance conference. For months I had been simultaneously excited for and nervous about the trip. Doing something new is always a bit scary, but this time it was precisely because I had had some previous experiences traveling abroad to teach that went less than smoothly that I got myself so worked up. And the more I worked on my music playlist and tried to envision teaching perfectly in front of all complete strangers, the more self-doubt that started to creep in. What if I made a lot of mistakes? How would students and other instructors respond to my teaching style? Would the organizers regret that they had invited me?
Having to face the cycle of negative self-talk when stepping out of one’s comfort zone is enough to make anyone want to just say “Hey, forget it. I’ll just stay where I am surrounded with the familiar.” When we’ve been burned in the past it’s especially true as we try to prevent ourselves from being hurt or let down again. Considering myself as having grown into a fairly confident person these days, it was particularly difficult not to judge myself for even being anxious in the first place.
To get myself out of my own head I asked for help. I reached out to people who I knew would listen to my worries without dismissing them. People who could give me back the advice I’ve given so many times but that I couldn’t tell myself in that moment. I thought about the people I look up to (and one in particular whose name I share) and how the humor, honesty, warmth and realness they’ve approached life and human interactions with is at the heart of what I aspire to do.
In the end, I made mistakes on stage. But I also made people dance and smile, I laughed a ton, and I made a whole slew of new friends from around the world. I wrote over old disappointing experiences with new memories and reconfirmed my belief that growth is on the other side of discomfort. Most of all, asking for help, sharing and relating honestly with others gave me an overwhelming feeling of being supported and loved not because of what I accomplish, but because of who I simply am.
In this holiday season, I hope you can ask for, receive , and give any help needed, too!
Please remember that I’ll be taking a break for the Christmas holiday so our final classes of 2019 will be Thursday December 19 (TDC), Monday December 30 (WAO) and Tuesday December 31 (TDC). Hope to see you before we start 2020!
Keep moving! xx, Katie
我想要的不只是「過得去」而已
我剛渡過一個非常美妙的週末。上周末出席日本的一個國際舞蹈會交流會，有機會在交流會中教了舞麗自信與 Zumba。老實說，面對這趟日本之旅，好幾個月下來我感到興奮又緊張。嘗試新事物總是有些令人害怕，但是這次還有另一個很明確的原因，是因為之前有受邀出國教課不好的經驗，所以這趟旅行自然而然地讓我十分焦慮。而當我越認真地準備課程，試圖想像要在一群陌生人前教一堂完美的課時，我的自我懷疑就更加強烈。 如果我犯很多錯怎麼辦？學生和其他的老師對於我的教學方式會有什麼樣的反應？主辦單位會不會後悔邀請了我？
面對這樣無限循環且負面的自我對話，讓人很容易告訴正要踏出舒適圈的自己：「算了啦！我只要留在我熟悉的地方就好了。」尤其是當我們過去曾受過傷，自然地我們會試著預防二度傷害或是犯同樣的錯誤。即使我認為現在的自己已經成長為一個頗有自信的人，我還是很難不批評自己從一開始受邀就出現的這些焦慮感。
為了能讓自己夠跳脫出腦中這些負面的小聲音，我開始求救。我開始向一些朋友尋求幫助，我知道這些朋友們會認真地傾聽我的擔憂，而不會輕描淡寫地打發我。 他們會給我一些我給別人很多遍、但當下卻無法給自己的建議。 我也想到一些我敬佩的人 （其中一位和我同名），他們是如何用幽默、誠實、溫暖與真實的態度來待人處世，這也是我期許自己達到的境界。
最後，我在台上出了錯，但是，也讓大家帶著微笑開心地舞動、享受當下地大笑、交一群來自世界各地的新朋友。我用新的經驗複寫了過去令人失望的經驗，再次堅定了我的信念：『成長會出現在不舒適的另一端。』最重要的是：向他人求救、真誠地分享相關的經驗，讓我感到大量的支持與愛。這不是因為我成就了什麼，而是因為我就是我。
在這個佳節假期，希望你能在需要的時候尋求幫助與伸出援手！
請記得我有休聖誕節，所以 2019 最後的幾堂課是： 19 日周四在 TDC、30 日周一在 WAO、和 31 日週二在 TDC。希望能在 2020 前見到你們！
繼續前進！
愛你的 Katie
( Anna Liang 譯 )
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