Being the company you want to keep
In the last few weeks of getting over the excitement of vacations with friends, returning to Taipei, and having a slower work schedule, I've found myself with far more alone time than I've ever really been used to. While I’m sure this sounds pretty ideal to a lot of people, because of living on my own now, at times I've been at a bit of a loss for what to do with myself! I mean, sure, I have a long enough to-do list. But it's in the mornings and evenings, or awkwardly timed breaks in the middle of the day, I find myself wondering, "What SHOULD I be doing? What do I WANT to do? Am I using this time the best way I could be?" All the over- thinking inevitably leads to indecision, and I end up wasting a whole lot more of this "free time.”
As someone who enjoys and is energized by spending time with others, who finds it easier to cook for, clean, or structure my day with other people in mind, getting used to spending a lot of alone time has felt really different. Constantly making decisions alone can feel exhausting and selfish, and eating out at restaurants solo can be boring (although today I’m writing this while on a scenic coffee date with myself in Danshui!).
But simultaneously, this has also felt like an amazing opportunity to get to face more sides of myself (the ones I like and the ones I’m less comfortable with), and focus on my relationship with myself. While really looking at yourself in the mirror is difficult, I’m well aware that if I had kids, a demanding employer, or lived in a place where I was struggling to survive, I perhaps wouldn’t have this chance right now.
So instead of fretting about what I’m doing with my time each day, I’m trying (key word) to be non-judgmental the way I would be with a friend. I’m trying to take note of the things that I do that make me feel good and show up for myself the way I would for someone else. In the moments when the house is clean or I’m enjoying my meal-prepped dinner, I’m taking a small moment to thank my past self for the love and trying to find a chance to “pay it forward” to my future self.
And while I don’t think I’ll ever be much of a loner or completely master the use of my time, I’m seeing that even when I’m alone, I like the kind of company I keep.
How do you enjoy spending time alone? I’d love to hear from you!
Keep moving!
xx,
Katie
成為自己理想的那個伴
整個7月和朋友們度過了一個多采多姿的假期，所以在回到台北後，伴隨著比較輕鬆的工作節奏，我想利用過去幾周來收收心，我發現跟平常比起來，我有更多與自己獨處的時間。相信這對許多人來講都是一個非常理想的狀態，但是因為現在我自己一個人住，所以有很多的時候我其實不知道要如何獨處！當然，我有非常多待辦事項，但是在早晨或是晚間、有時候甚至在一些白天休息的片刻，我會發現自己不自覺地想著：『我 應該 做些什麼呢？』、『 我 想要 做什麼？』、『 我有沒有充分的使用這段時間？』 最後總是發現我花了很多的時間猶豫，但卻無法做出任何的決定，反而浪費了更多的閒暇時間。
我的個性非常享受和別人相處，我喜歡幫別人煮菜、打掃、甚至將別人列入我的時間計劃中，要習慣長時間獨處對我來說感覺非常的不一樣。 要不斷地自己做決定有種累人與自私的感覺，一個人到餐廳用餐有時候也挺無聊的（ 雖然今天我在寫這篇文章的時候，是自己在一個風景優美的淡水咖啡廳。）
但同時，這感覺也是一個非常棒的機會讓我可以面對不同的自己（我喜歡的那些自己和讓我不自在的那些自己），我知道面對真實的自己不是件簡單的事，我也非常清楚如果我有小孩、或是有個非常需要我的老闆、或是住在一個比較困難生存的地方，我也許就不會有這個麼多和自己獨處地機會了。
所以，與其煩惱每天要如何利用我的時間，我嘗試 （重點）成為自己的朋友------ 一個不批評自己的朋友，就如同我對我的朋友一般； 嘗試寫下一些我所做的、讓我感覺好的事情；挺自己如同我挺好友一般。在乾淨的家中或是吃著自己準備的餐點前，利用小小的片刻來感謝過去的自己的付出與愛，接著試著帶著同樣的精神付出給未來的自己。
我並不覺得我會成為一個 獨處的佼佼者或是能很充分的利用我自己的時間，但是我可以看見當我獨處時，我能成為自己想要的那一個伴。
你都如何享受獨處的時光呢？我也想要聽聽你的想法。
繼續前進！
愛你的 Katie
( Anna Liang 譯 )
Commentaires